Nite Self-Talking

Sawadee kaa... (It's always "sawadee" wheter it is morning, day or night)

And as you can see in your watch (note: if you're in west part of Indonesia) it is half past 11 p.m. here, and I'm still cannot even close my eyes. Many things spinning on my mind and I need a space to write down a bit of it.

Recently, I see so many changes around my environment. Places, people. 

After flooded, here in AIT campus in Rangsit, Thailand seems like having spring in the middle of drought. Flowers bloom on the dry brown soil topped by old leaves. It's much more like mixed both spring and autumn in the same time. I like it. Though everything hasn't back to the conditions before flood, it is still feels like "home" for me, here in Thailand. I become more comfortable to study here, and life going stable. I like it. Some people said that a Taurus type like stable life, yes, I am.

But actually everything always change. Even me myself. Two years ago, I has just started doing my final projecct, waled along Selokan Mataram, did few chats with people, chasing my advisor... Love life? Went so messed up! Then a year ago, I finished all those messes, graduated, and having relationship with a very-kind bestfriend-become-boyfriend Aria. Life became more kind to me, lot of thanks to God. Even I was still jobless, I traveled a lot before I started this master study then engaged here for 2 years.

Some people said that I am so lucky. Actually maybe yes, I'm so damn a lucky bastard you ever know, who still complaining about her so-called lucky life, still envying others who reach another achievement that she hasn't achieved yet.

Some are studying in Japan (a country I always dreaming to study in), some are traveling around Europe (a continent I really really want to travel around), some getting a very good job with high salary (everyone also envying them, I'm sure, wheter I'm still wondering where will I work after I finish this), and some are already get married and have cute kids...

If I only see of what I envying, maybe I will never satisfied with my own life. I just realized that I already achieved what the others want to achieve. Maybe I'm not studying in Japan, but you see that living in Thailand is really fun, everything cheap and easy, besides, I can travel around South-East Asia and visit many most popular tourism sites as easy as Thai (to entering a temple, just keep silent and the security will think that I am Thai, free!). Maybe I haven't travel to Europe again in this late 9 years, but 10 years ago I ever went to Italy and France with a prize from Sampoerna after my team won the film festival, was I so lucky, wasn't I? And I can go someday, if I get the chance to pursue PhD degree or attending conference there :) Maybe I have no clear job right now, as my scholarship contract I have to teach for 5 years after I come back to Indonesia, but still I don't know where I will be teaching in which university, which city. I pray a lot to be accepted in my former university, but they said that my GPA is not enough to be a lecturer there. I must struggle more to get GPA 3.7 that I still think it's so impossible, let's see. Then maybe I hasn't get married yet, it is not because I don't want to, or my beloved boyfriend still not ready yet, but there are many things made us consider to postpone getting married and prepare for anything to be proper and settle for us in the future. Sometimes I envy with the smile of friends who getting married, I wonder I would be also that happy, and having a wide pretty smile like 'emn but not for now because my time is already waits for ehm, I finish this master study :)

Time changed. The world changed. People changed.

Just accept what I already got, and enjoy life with it. Everyone chasing happiness with their own different ways. I got my own path, just run on it, do the best on it. Somehow it is difficult, and start to look at others that I thougt the achieved more than me, envying them and feeling down. shouldn't have to be down, be motivated and at least do better. Maybe... There is someone or few people also envying me in this world, and be encouraged by me.

Not only me, you people also... Should enjoy your life, in your own path, with everything you already got, do the best!

FOR DREAM! FOR THE FUTURE! FOR LIFE!!!

(Raise punch to sky!)

Written in tiny little room Dorm D-44.

I send a warm greeting from here to Kamen Rider, my bestfriends, MP friends, socmed mates, and everyone who is kindly read my posts :) I really want to write post regularly again... I'm sorry for a bit long time disappearance *blame the bad internet connection!